There’s way more to grief than I ever knew. Despite having experienced loss and grief of various kinds, despite being a therapist myself, the experience of traumatic grief was and is overwhelming in its complexity.
What we know about grief is this: my person is gone, and I miss them intensely. I will be sad.
What we may not know about grief includes:
Physical responses: immune suppression, hormonal imbalances, physical pain
Cognitive problems like memory impairment, intrusive thoughts
Loneliness: grief is highly individualized; nobody else has your exact experience
Facing your own mortality
Loss of the parts of yourself that existed in relationship only to that person
Learning how to find your Self in new ways
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
—Rainer Maria Rilke
Journaling Questions
What’s your experience with the complexity of grief?
What aspect of grief is impacting you the most right now?
What other symptoms or surprises would you add to this list?
Self Compassion by Kristen Neff
The Grieving Brain by Mary O’Connor
It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay by Megan Devine
Resilient Grieving by Lucy Hone